(BL) Taming the Field Guide

Chapter 187: A fate changed

Funerals are never happy occasions.

At least, none of the ones that Kellen had ever been to. He’d been to several over his many years as an active Field Guide, and many more over his whole life. As family friends, Aunts, Uncles and cousins passed away either due to heartbreak, murder, or suicide. Kellen considered the first and the last listed as the same thing.

The morning of the funeral felt heavy. The weight of it had always loomed over the Saturn Guild, but today felt especially hard.

Rhys and Kellen dressed in their uniforms, already naturally black due to the nature of their jobs. Kellen didn’t wear his Guild uniform, instead wearing the uniform of a Field Guide. It was a way to honour his students who had fallen, who had been prepared, ready and excited to go into gates but there was no way to prepare for the hell that was a poison gate.

Kellen found that unlike normal, he was unable to keep the usual stoic face that he normally had on such somber days. His eyes felt a little too watery, his hands shaking just a bit too much. Kellen insisted that today he didn’t wear his sling, instead covering up his healing hand with a glove that was eerily similar to the one that had kept his hand together inside of the gate.

Rhys had wanted to protest, wanted to insist that Kellen do what was best for his healing, but Kellen wouldn’t bend. He would wear his eyepatch, but he would face his students, the fallen members of the Saturn Guild with honour and respect. To Kellen, that meant showing off that he was strong, he was better, and he would carry the torch for them now that they couldn’t do it for themselves anymore.

Rhys couldn’t exactly argue against that.

Rhys also didn’t argue when Kellen slipped a few weapons onto his body, even helping Kellen tuck his new gun into the waistband of his pants. Rhys himself was fully immersed into his Captain persona. He even wore the cap that he normally saved for official events. Then again, what was a funeral if not an official event?

They held hands as they left the apartment. Each of them in their formal best, neither saying a word. Kellen didn’t ask Rhys where they were going. That didn’t matter. Wherever they were going, they were going together.

~

Down in the parking garage, Rhys was barking out orders in a cool, collected tone that had the others paying attention and listening to him. Kellen stood off to the side, within eye sight, but out of range so that he didn’t contribute to Rhys’ stress. Kellen’s parents stood with Kellen, both of them in their funeral best.

They had opted to not wear their old uniforms, instead wearing formal black uniforms that were neutral in tone, but got the message across. They grieved as much as the parents did. Charlie wasn’t with them, him opting to stay behind with the Guides who were remaining behind along with the Espers that were staying behind as guards as well in case someone decided this was the right time to attack.

Too bad for them that Gunther was also remaining behind, a hard look in his eyes begging anyone to think that the Saturn Guild was undefended on a day like today.

Hill, Miro, Taylor, Casper and Pamela were working overtime, each of them in their own uniform, not a hair out of place as they took control of certain aspects of the funeral procession. It was a tragedy, and a stark reminder that each of them didn’t need a briefing. They knew all the steps that they would need to take, working like a well oiled machine for something as sad as a funeral.

Jax and Jules acted less as S Classes, and more like the average members of the Guild. In their formal uniforms they somehow blended in, and Kellen had a feeling it was intentional. Part of a security measure that Kellen wasn’t aware of, and that didn’t matter.

Kellen instead focused on the families who were with Taylor and several others. Their faces weren’t composed, how could they be? They had been denied this moment for too long in Kellen’s mind, but finally their children were being laid to rest.

It was a parent’s worst nightmare. Laying their children into the ground before they went. Kellen could not, would not be able to fully put himself in their shoes, but that didn’t mean his heart didn’t ache for them.

Kellen wanted to go to them, to comfort them, but he held himself back. He was standing where he was to make sure that Rhys didn’t worry about him. After all, he was the one who saw his own parents get murdered at this funeral. He was sure that Rhys was worried about him on top of everything else.

While Kellen was worrying about the others, the procession was decided. The whole Guild, those that they could spare, would go to the burial grounds of the Saturn Guild. It was symbolic for the most part, since not all families decided to bury their family there. Mostly those who were buried in the Saturn Guild plot were those without family to claim them.

That didn’t matter. The Saturn Guild claimed them instead. It was a common custom. Never leave anyone behind. It was a small way that Espers and Guides made sure to cling to their humanity.

Rhys, to Kellen’s surprise, joined the family members who were burying their children, siblings and loved ones in their car. Kellen would have joined them as well but there wasn’t space. Instead, Kellen and Rhys made eye contact over the top of the black cars taking them towards the windswept plot of land and nodded to each other.

Then, they slid into their respective cars and the procession began.

~

The sky was cloudy. Not gloomy, not rainy, but certainly not sunny. It was as if someone had known that to see the sun on a day like this wouldn’t be quite right. The mood was heavy, the air thick with the harsh truth that several members, young members of the Guild had been taken at once. No warning, no preparation, just suddenly.

The way that it tends to happen.

The public were there. The D.E.C. was helping keep others back to give the grieving families privacy, but the cameras were there. Large, flashing, imposing. They didn’t care that these were people who were going through the worst moments of their lives, that they would continue to go through the worst moments of their lives from this point on.

Knowing what it felt like to lose people didn’t make this moment any better. It didn’t make it easier. Every loss weighed on Kellen’s shoulders, every life snuffed out a candle that Kellen held onto.

Watching Rhys remain tall, composed as those family members grieved. Wailed, cried, held onto what was left of their loved ones, made Kellen’s chest ache for the man.

Yet still, at the same time, Kellen had to keep his mind alert, his chest heavy with the reminder that some people didn’t care about others the same way that he did. They would interfere in a moment like this with even more grief. Even more pain.

Kellen forced himself to be strong, a silent support to everyone around him. He didn’t crumble when the families of the Guides who had passed in the gate came to him and grieved. He didn’t shatter, didn’t bend, and instead offered them a shoulder to cry on. A warmth in the cold of their suffering.

All the while, he was keeping an eye on his surroundings, his hand ready, itching to protect everyone here. Everyone that they held dear.

However, as time ticked on, the sky opened up and a sun beam shone down on the green grass around them. A moment so precious, so perfect that it made even the onlookers grow silent. It was as if those who had been lost were speaking to those left behind.

They were fine, they were safe, and they would see them all eventually.

It was a quiet, beautiful moment and it wasn’t marred by the sound of gunshots, or screams, or panic. It instead was filled with the sounds of birdsong, the city going about its everyday life, trees rustling in the distance.

The sounds of life filled the air, a reminder that even after their death everyone had continued to live. Continued to fight.

It was as if the world which had been holding its breath, finally relaxed.

Kellen knew without needing to speak that the moment had passed. His vision had not come to pass. The relief almost made him lax, but he was also a professional. Kellen didn’t drop his guard, but thankfully, nothing happened.

Everyone was allowed to say their goodbyes, wish their friends and family peace and love without having to worry about terrorists attacking and Kellen felt this moment as a win.

They had not stolen this from them. They had not been able to take this away from them.

Kellen felt like this was the changing of the tide. Whether anyone else felt the same, it didn’t matter. Kellen just knew, deep in his bones, that this was the defining moment. Whatever future had been planned had been altered completely.

Kellen felt his lips curl up into a knowing, relaxed smile.

~

No one worked the rest of the day. It was to be expected, and Kellen didn’t want anyone to work either. Kellen made sure to invite everyone who wanted back to their apartment. Solace in company instead of being alone.

Kellen’s parents opted to go join Charlie with the other Guides, but promised to send Gunther upstairs towards them. The rest of the lieutenants slowly trickled into the apartment, Casper coming with them immediately and making himself a little nest on the couch. He looked tired, bone tired, and Kellen couldn’t blame him.

Now that the funeral was finally done, their fallen laid to rest, Casper could finally rest and take time to heal.

Kellen welcomed everyone into his house, including Jax and Jules. Kellen knew that he was biased against them, but today was not a day for such trivial feelings. They might not have known some of the members personally, but they had put in the work today. Taking on the load of others, helping out where they could, and offering kindness and heartfelt sorrow when speaking of the others at the funeral. Kellen had heard it, and whatever his own hang-ups about these people, they stopped there.

Saturn Guild members were always welcome into his home. Always.

Kellen worked away in the kitchen, his one hand only partially a detriment because of the glove he was wearing, but Rhys didn’t let that last long. Instead, he gave Kellen helpers. In Taylor, in Hill, in Rhys himself.

Just like Kellen was trying to take care of others, Rhys was doing the same. No one was going to be alone today. They were a Guild, a family, and they looked after each other.